Good slaves are not born that way, they are made.

Two days ago, i woke up very aroused and also very hungry for some reason. i was allowed permission to cum the night before, but it was at home with all the interruptions and things weren't calm. It was one of those sexual releases that end with ejaculate streaming forth, but without the full pleasure of it. i've heard of some dommes who use a milking technique to do that, but it wasn't what my Mistress Shola had intended for me.

Typically, i'd take matters in my own hands (excuse the pun) and regardless of whether a domme i was serving would allow me or not, i'd satisfy my own needs. For me, dommes were there to create the fantasy i needed to jerk off and after that, well my interest would wane in whatever they said.

With Mistress Shola, it is different. One reason is that i feel that my slavery under Her is real because of the fact that i've shown in action and words that i'm committed. i have handed Her a loaded gun figuratively by giving Her access to my personal life and information. i did that more for myself than for Her benefit. i know my weaknesses, i know i can stray and have done so many times in the past. i've confessed those to Mistress Shola. i want to know that in very real terms Mistress Shola can make or break me. It is the only way i know that will keep me from allowing my natural weaknesses to betray me and Her. She never asked for it, i wanted Her to have it. She had told me that it has to come from me. Submission is only real when it is given freely.

The second reason, i cannot cheat is that i feel a connection growing between Mistress Shola and i. She seems to be sensitive like a psychic about things. Knowing me deeper than just the surface stuff. i feel Her energy as well. i know She'd know if i wasn't being truthful. i actually like not being able to hide, even in my own mind. If i really gave myself in submission, then i am Hers - mind, body and spirit, to serve, obey, protect, respect and be loyal to.

i came to work letting Her know about my state and She said no to my request to cum, but would address it later in the day. Later in the day, She told me to edge four times and then go home. Once home i could cum. The frustration of the day before and the very high possibility of not getting a moment to myself to release properly. i begged and pleaded. i think Mistress knowing my inner state allowed me to cum before going home. However, the warning was a final and harsh one that this would never be repeated again. When Mistress Shola, speaks or says something it is to be obeyed and Her word is final. Since i am still early in my training, it was permitted only once and would never be again. i did cum, but felt ashamed after. i felt that i should have not allowed my need to cum cloud my judgement and beg Mistress in the manner i did. i did beg for forgiveness and my apology was accepted after some time of awkward silence. i know it won't happen again. It would have been better if i didn't cum at all and bare that frustration than feel the disapproval and disappointment of my Mistress.

Thinking of it two days later, the lesson sinks in deep. i'm not a perfect slave, let alone a perfect person, but i know i'm being moulded by Mistress Shola to be a better slave - obedient regardless of my personal weaknesses.

Female Supremacy, Feminism, Female domination - The real thing vs buzz words.

This weekend Mistress Shola, began to help me out with my relationships, particularly with my own wife. It's full life domination, not about just a few moments of fantasy and a quick jerk off and away I go. It isn't just about control of accounts, computers, finances and sex, and no regard to my personal affairs. She did explain to me that being Her slave meant - submitting everything. She is a believer in female supremacy and has sought to ensure I give the women in my life the proper respect from my mother, wife and daughter. Contrast that to the many female supremacy dommes who are first to abuse the slaves wife, telling a slave to screw spending anything on your wife until you spend on them first. Let your wife and kids starve, but as long as I'm living in luxury. Is that female supremacy? That's just a buzz word used by a woman who doesn't understand that she is acting like a whore devoid of any morals.

Mistress Shola, has actually taken the time during my "under consideration" period to know me, my life and whatever I was able to offer Her so that She could be a good domme to me as I was to be a good slave to Her. It is a symbiotic relationship, harmonious and also one with clear roles. I submit to Her, I accept my subservience to Her and obey Her and Her judgement. Her judgement has to be obeyed and it has to be final. I cannot be a slave to Her if I am to disobey or question Her judgment constantly. She isn't just a BDSM Mistress, but a life coach personal life Mistress.

She is working with me to help me with my relationship with my wife. She respects other women like my wife and sees them as Queens in their own right, worthy of love, respect and worship. How can I not be moved by that? How can I not submit to that Superior thinking?

Many use the buzz words, but I know my Mistress Shola to be a feminist and a female supremacist who puts it in real practice in Female Domination. Maybe one should look at the dommes around and see if they actually practice what they say they do.

A new beginning

Today i start a chronical of my journey into submission. i am a submissive male who has had many experiences in the world of BDSM, some good, some bad but none totally fulfilling. i have found one dominant to have captured my attention and someone i feel worthy of my submission. Submission and the giving of the self isn't something to take lightly. Nor is the taking of someone's submission a small matter. It is because of this mutual understand that i submit to Miss Shola.

i didn't begin this journey today, its been in process for a while. i will post the recent posts from my facebook and their dates here for the sake of some context.

March 13, 2013
Today i removed all barriers, and all secrecy from my Mistress Shola Findomme. i feel the dawn of a new beginning that will allow me to take my submission to new depths with Mistress, as well as use Her wise counsel in my personal life. Maybe this is full life control that i've wondered about in bdsm, but never really experienced.

March 14, 2013
Today's theme was definitely "Mindgames" with the beautiful Mistress Shola Findomme. Moments of calm interspersed with moments where my heart beat hard and rapidly - felt played much like an instrument in Her hands. All worthwhile when the final moments of the day were spent in the presence of Her beauty on Skype. i recommend all slaves who enjoy mental sadism to taste her sweet poison.

March 18, 2013
Eliminating all the garbage and useless baggage in my life in the form of stupid dommes and serving the beautiful Mistress Shola Findomme. Maybe its good to purge during my "in consideration" status. Don't want any remnants when i'm fully owned by Her.

March 20,2013
Thank You Mistress Shola Findomme for forgiving me and accepting me as Your pet. I'm beyond happy and feel very connected to You. i have no secrets from You. What You want from me is Yours already.

March 20th - first day of spring. Truly a special day for me and maybe not coincidental that it is the time of rebirth in nature. The deceptions of the past were forgiven. i was forgiven for all my lies, for my rudeness, and truly ignorant behaviour. She forgives, but not without mindgames as i wrote about on the 14th of March.  By the 20th of March i felt very repentent, my heart and inner being ached from wronging Her and the guilt was eating me inside. i begged Her for it and she forgave and she collared me as Her tech pet. It was a moment of pure joy. Not only did i become Hers, but the chains of fear and guilt from being forgiven were removed.

On the 21st of March, was the moment that a defining moment for me in my submission. It is one thing to give account access to a dominant for all Your bdsm activities and quite another to give Her access to Your personal account. Knowledge about and access to most of family, my friends, co-workers and aspects of my personal life. For me, that was me signing my life in trust to Her.  It is no small step, no desire of being fetishistically blackmailed,  or  moment of weakness on my part. It was the facing of fear, the faith in a strong dominant woman and the parting of ways from negative cycles to commit to a dominant who can make me a better person - a better slave and in the process enjoy it. In turn, i've found that the work i do for Her isn't a chore like it has for others in the past. i desire to please Her, i desire to do the best i can for Her, i desire to serve Her to make Her happy. It's a paradigm shift. It isn't something i do for someone so i can get something back.

i am changing - my journey has just begun. Not sure where i'm heading, or what i'll be when all is said and done, but i trust my beautiful Mistress - Miss Shola